Tag Archives: promordial ooze

Thetford Forest Ride – Primordial Shitfest

Main Entry: penis en·vy
Pronunciation: -“en-vE
Function: noun
: the supposed coveting of the penis by a young human female which is held inpsychoanalytic theory to lead to feelings of inferiority and defensive or compensatory behavior.

Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

…a little twist on this:

Main Entry: 29er en·vy
Pronunciation: -“en-vE
Function: noun
: the supposed coveting of a 29″ bicycle by a man which leads to feelings of inferiority and defensive or compensatory behavior by owning a 26″ bicycle when the fact dawns on him he has just been ‘outgunned’ by superior technology…..so, NEVER try and keep up with someone on a 29er, especially when you are on an early 90’s fully rigid 26″ MTB

It was like a Roadrunner cartoon….Jango was off into the distance, casually pedalling while still seated, as if he was on a genteel Sunday amble. I was Wile.E. Coyote (Pure Genius) pedalling crazily like a schoolkid on a BMX, bouncing off tree roots, slipping all over the trail, vibrations from the trail jarring my body, repeatedly looking down at my gears as if there was something wrong or about to fall off…..there wasn’t, I was just riding ‘Old Tech’ and the 29er, as horribly modern and soul-less as it is, this was was the superior machine on the day…..it was like trying to follow a Cruise Missile in downtown Bagdad (remember the Speederbike chases in Star Wars?)

Thetford was cold and wet but the sun was out and the clouds had gone, only two of us turned out for the smallest Mini-Meet in history. Thetford Forest’s trails had turned into Primordial Ooze…..it was a Shitfest of the highest order, gloopy brackish slimey puddles, slippery trails and a cold wind but it was great riding. We did most of the Dusk Till Dawn route, plus some of the Black Route and The Beast in the morning (12 miles) then back to Brandon for Macaroni Cheese and unedible Bread Pudding before hitting the trails again after lunch, our bottom brackets feeling like someone had packed them full of sand and refitted them and our rear mechs complaining bitterly about all the gritty shit they were being force fed

The afternoon was a shorter 7 mile route on the Visitor Center side with some great flowing Singletrack.

A brilliant days riding, cold wet legs and some very dirty bikes!!

Dangerous times?…Health & Safety paranoia

Shitfest got my EWR – Part 3

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